I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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