When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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