ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
