i need an iv and a liver transplant
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
