i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
