A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
