I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
