i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
i now understand why vodka
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
