I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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