how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
