I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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