hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
There r osticjed everywhere
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
