made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
