You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
