Banned from zoo.
Again?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
