my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
