Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
