She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
