I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Fuck appropriateness.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
