I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
