After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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