I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
well you can't waste a boner
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
