Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
