need another drink. this is the easiest way
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
