Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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