did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
