i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
