Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Randomize
