It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Randomize
