first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
