i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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