I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
