i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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