I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
