I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
