let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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