Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
