I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
