before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
