addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I am spending my child support on dildos
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
