apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
