it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
