Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
