are you still at the devil's house?
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
