# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
