so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
