I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
