My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
