look no pants
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
just tell him i said nine months
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
