Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
smell my finger.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Randomize
