We won't sleep together?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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