The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
