Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
