I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
