home. puking in laundry basket.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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